Family is Family

Is my family any more dysfunctional that the next? I suppose it's not as bad as some, but from my viewpoint it's right up there.

When I finally admitted to myself that I needed a savior and accepted Jesus as Lord and Savior of my life; I was so sure that soon the rest of my extended family would follow. That through Christ we would be the family I'd always dreamt of. I remember as a kid looking around one Christmas at the eight of us (six siblings plus mom and dad), and thinking what a huge group we would be once we all married and had kids of our own. Oh, the fun gatherings to come!

How things have changed in my family since that Christmas. My parents have been divorced for over 35 years now. None of my siblings and I are married - four of us have never married, two are divorced. There are five children among us, two born to unmarried parents (this is where I fall - a single parent from the day my son was born). One brother and I are grandparents now adding a few more to our extended family.

There are estrangements between several of us, one brothers whereabouts were unknown for several years and until last year I was afraid he may have been dead. One of my sisters and one nephew have chosen to cut themselves off completely from the entire family. The rest of us see each other by chance, rarely by plan. Facebook has been a place I can at least stay in contact with some and it's better than nothing.

Just your average 21st century dysfunctional family and 15 years after I accepted Christ I see little change in my extended family. It seems to be getting only worse. We all need Jesus, and I fear I have been a poor window on what a Christian and believer of Christ is. I have been a poor witness and wanting to improve I tried more Bible study, more devotional time, more focusing on God and cutting myself off from the influences of the world. I prayed for my family more, although I feel I am far from the intercessory prayer warrior I could be.

What I've had wrong is that it's not up to me, it's up to God and each person what their response will be when He knocks on the door of their heart. It's a personal relationship and in the past months I've been reminded how often God knocked on my heart before I finally answered Him. I'd turn away, think "not now", allow the world to distract me and tell me I wasn't good enough. Worse yet, to tell me I was just fine the way I was. Why is it always so much easier to listen to the lies of this world than to the Truth of God? And how can I expect it will be any easier for my family to let go than it was for me?

I've also learned my reason for desiring my family's salvation has been very selfish. I wanted them to become the people I thought they should be, and saw Jesus Christ as a way to that end. A happy and functional family is a good thing, but I'm learning to surrender my desires for my family to God's will and His timing. It's not easy. I mourn for my family and long for us to be closer. Now. Keeping my eyes on Christ and surrendering to God's plan is a moment by moment struggle. This letting go of my dreams and desires for my family is hard. I keep praying and trusting them all in God's Hand though because He is my only Hope as well as theirs. 

Revelation 21:5 (ESV)  And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”